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Once upon a time, in a far away land, I came home from college to visit my new boyfriend. His Dad was out of town, so we were taking the opportunity to play house. You know how it goes, I show you all the fabulous meals I can cook and a few extras, and you think "I'm going to marry this girl". Right? Wrong.
It was on day 2. I had barely ingested, or rather expelled any fluids because...I didn't want him to know I was human. He had left my side for the first time to go take a shower. Finally a minute alone...I could stop sucking in my stomach now. And then I felt it. The rumble from down under, I needed relief.
I snuck up to his Dad's bathroom, and enjoyed a little privacy. When I went to flush the evidence, the toilet handle would not budge. Oh crap. I jiggled it a few times, put a little muscle behind it and nothing. A little while later, and with no progress I heard the shower shut off. I panicked. I was going to rid of the relationship ruiner one way or another. I rummaged around in the bathroom looking for an aide. A plastic bag? No, I couldn't... and the trash wouldn't come until next Thursday. At some point I broke out in a cold sweat and decided that sucker was going down. I forced the handle and it SNAPPED. It was over.
I called out to him and he came in with a suspicious look. "What are you doing in here?" he said. "Well I had to use the bathroom, and you were in the shower, but the toilet won't flush." I said. He reached for toilet lid..."No stop!" I screamed, "please don't open it!" I quickly weighed my options. Should I just leave? Break up with him? No, he'll probably break up with me first, but if he's scared of a little poo maybe he's not worth it.
And so he saved the day, with silent judgement. Turns out his Dad had turned the water off. It would've been an easy fix, except now he had to replace the handle before his Dad came home.
Poor guy. Little did he know that this was only the beginning and the future would be filled with more shit than one could handle...